Twitter Twitterings

In my twitching early-morning compulsion to connect on Social Media, as has been recommended by the swami-hat marketing gurus, I’d decided to look at Twitter again. I never did quite figure it out, and even the name, ‘Twitter’, I find distracting, as it conjures images of restless, squabbling blue birds with no eyes, fluttering out of the the fly-opening in my Spongebob pajamas. I don’t know why that image comes to mind, and I don’t know how the little blue birds, blind as they are, got in there anyway. I just pray they never find a worm and fly off with it.

I have about 1200 Twitter followers, although I have no idea why they follow me, nor I suspect, do they have any idea why they follow me, in most cases. I follow most of them back, and I even look at what they have “Tweeted” once in a while. I can’t figure out most of that either. Much of it seems to be encrypted in a code of some sort, using strange abbreviations which only deeply-immersed undercover-agent double-identity Twitter people can decipher. I’m at a loss. I’m just an idiot with a WordPress blog.

Today, I’d noticed a section of the new Twitter page which invited me to connect with others which Twitter had recommended. “Sure thing.” I thought. I can never connect with enough people with whom I will never actually meet, and who speak in strange internet dialects which, being over forty, I am unlikely to ever understand. I clicked, despite the second thoughts.

There they were. Thousands of them. Millions, perhaps. The list was primarily authors. Twitter had decided that I might enjoy “Twittering” other writers. I suppose that might be true; a writer’s life can be a lonesome one sometimes. Though I have a predisposition for “Twittering” redheads, and I didn’t see any immediately apparent on the list. Besides, it was much too public a forum for such things. I read their short blurbs about themselves. Each and every one was world-renowned, or a best-selling something or other. I’d never heard of any of them, of course, but that means nothing. I’d only just recently heard of Dean Koontz, who actually is a best-selling something or other. Perhaps all these Twitter people really were best-selling something or others, and they had taken to Twitter’s virtual anonymity to hide from the screaming crowds of fans. I can’t say I fault them for that.

Still, I feel left out. I feel like the source of the odd smell which wafts from the bottom of one’s shoes after a walk in the park. I need to be a best-selling something or other. I need to learn their language, and learn to promote in tongues. But first, I have to get rid of these damned blue birds pecking at me in inside my Spongebob pajamas.

That is not a worm, dammit!


..Also saved from the ashes of an old blog. Time hasn’t helped. I still don’t understand twitter.

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24 thoughts on “Twitter Twitterings”

  1. This…. This is so perfect!!
    It really made me laugh! I don’t “get” Twitter either… don’t feel bad.

    The imagery you painted regarding the blue birds and spongebob pj’s was the best!

    Thank you for this. Started my day off with a smile.

  2. I have NEVER used twitter, and I’m super young. I don’t understand the point. If I have something to say in 145 characters or less I feel like I’ll just make a Facebook status. Who needs all these sites anyway!

  3. I have no idea about twitter and have never engaged. I gave up FB years ago too. I spend my time here. But I do have instagram…it’s pretty easy and takes not effort. 🙂

    1. Interestingly, Instagram has a large writing community. I’ve been on and off IG (writing) for a couple of years, in the end, preferring to write here where I’m not confined by little squares. I’ve made a few good friends there tho 🙂

  4. Wow! I didn’t think it was possible, but this is even funnier than the hair piece! (Lol!) I actually had to stop reading several times because I was laughing too hard to continue… Absolutely brilliant, my friend!

    As for Twitter, I never joined because I didn’t understand the language. Facebook, however, I use to keep up with family and friends, though I am often clueless how to make that work, as well.

    I call myself TC (technology-challenged), and blame it on the fact that I was born long before computers were… 🙂

    1. It was getting a little deep around here.. Time for something lighter from the archives 😉 Glad you liked this, Lisa. My dad was a programmer for the first (or close to it) generation of mainframes. I grew up pecking away on the first generation of home computers. Even with all that, I still don’t get twitter, OR facebook, so you aren’t alone 🙂

      1. Well I appreciate the light-heartedness! You have a wonderful sense of humor, and the ability to share it with just words, and no accompanying slapstick gestures or facial expressions. That’s awesome!

  5. Twitter is a good pictorial calendar for me. I go to it when I need to remember medical appointments, family celebartions, trips etc..happened.

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